2018: Fighting Fear
2018 was a year of pursuing “fearlessness”. This word that I focused on through the course of the past 12 months, led me to some incredible opportunities. Contrary to its common definition, fearlessness to me, was not abandoning all consciousness of danger and safety, and stepping into full-fledged danger. Rather, it was fighting complacency that fear would keep me at to avoid facing pain and inadequacy in attempting to pursue certain goals and engaging with strangers.
In putting my faith and hope in God’s faithfulness, He led me to some amazing experiences. Reflecting on this past year, I have been so blessed in so many ways because I did not lot fear govern what I could and couldn’t do. I placed my faith, hope and trust in Him which ultimately gave me a sense of freedom that helped me conquer a few things that scared me the most, but left me so blessed.
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A few specific moments stick out in my memory that I’d like to share with you as evidence of this. Some small gems were in discovering new attributes of my interests based on being open and willing to try new things: foods, shops, and activities. Normally, I like to feel fully educated and informed before I immerse myself in an experience with other people because I fear looking clueless, like I don’t know what I’m doing. When I placed this mindset aside, I found a lot of freedom and enjoyment in new things and even in asking for help. Additionally, I met some really cool strangers there who shared their stories with me, and helped me to feel more satisfied and present in those experiences, rather than merely going through the motions.
In the beginning on the year, I applied for a Christian summer camp I had never heard of but found on Google, in a place I had never been but always wanted to go, amongst people I had never met before. Ultimately, I was blessed beyond belief at what I had learned and acquired through that experience. In a few short months over the summer, God literally showed me the power He has in listening to and answering our prayers- verbatim through the mouths of babes. I made lifelong friends who mean more to me than I thought strangers could instantly become.
There, I also met a boy, who is completely out of my league. I couldn’t help the fact that I had developed the biggest crush on him. Remembering my focus of the year, I stepped beyond my fear to talk to him, got to know his beautiful heart as one of my closest friends, and it turns out, he was exactly the boy I had been looking and praying for, for a long time. I absolutely adore this sweet and gracious gift! God’s timing is impeccable.
Back at school, I re-applied for a campus job, after I’d already been rejected the first time around due to lacking the necessary skills. Fear would have previously held me back to avoid failure for the second time, but by the grace of God, I got the job. As of yet, it has proved to be one of the best jobs I could have ever imagined for myself at this time of my life, honing me with skills and experiences that will be invaluable for the future.
The intentions of me sharing these beautiful moments from this past year are not to gloat or present this fictional idea of a perfect year all because I had a theme focus for the year… trust me, there were definitely some serious trials too. Consider this as a form of encouragement for you to also stop and listen to what the Lord wants to work on or focus on this year. I like using one word because it can change meaning as the year goes on, but still teaches me so much. Don’t put God’s power in a box or limit it based on your own constrained ways of thinking. He is so much more and can use you in ways you never imagined, if you trust Him and set aside the fear that could be holding you back. Even if you don’t have a faith, I would still encourage you to set a focus for your year ahead, because it might help you get more out of the coming months, than simply going with the flow might. Pray about it, think about it, wait for it, meditate about it. Make 2019 a year worth reflecting upon.
